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Date: 2013-02-02 06:46
Subject: i'm so tired
Security: Public
Location:office at work
Music:Sims but i was thinking about the Sleigh Bells
there is a guy where i work currently trying to quit smoking cigarettes. good for him, i keep telling him. he's taking Chantix to help this. course i don't watch tv much so i don't crap about the side effects but now i've seen an ad and i'm scared for the guy. and this is after shawna tells me about an old friend's mother who was taking it and developed a mild bi-polar disorder for life. seems like a high price to pay to quit smoking. and this only one of the many side effects. i do always love the way at the end of ads for various meds that have drastic side effects, while the voiceover is running through the list of what could go wrong with you they persist to show some happy older lady or a semi-cute couple holding hands, walking along the beach. my favorite side effect this time (besides the obviously not worth the risk - suicide!, really?) is "weird dreams". that what they said, weird dreams. what does that even mean? aren't many dreams by nature a bit on the odd side?
i plan to ask him this morning if his dreams have been especially strange lately.
first i should vacuum.......but i probably won't.

been reading the Phineas Poe books again. i lost my copies, all three books over the past few years. plowed through Kiss Me Judas in a couple of days, mostly at work. Just started Penny Dreadful.
i would have read more last night but i'm too tired, lacking focus. it's day four in a five day work week this week, getting 56 hours instead of my usual 36 in three days.
so goddamn am i tired.
something about reading books told from Phineas' point of view while really, really tired that makes it easier to understand in a more empathic way. which is frighten. that quote i've liked about hearing thunder and looking to sky waiting for a big storm to come but it only your own blood pounding in your head and you're having a panic attack comes from somewhere in Penny Dreadful. i haven't gotten to yet but i'm gonna smile when i do. the smile of one who understands for too well what someone else is trying to say.
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Date: 2013-01-04 04:44
Subject: things i did today
Security: Public
Location:work, the office
Music:m.i.a. remixes and old bjork stuff
i google mapped the distance between my work place and my house. the paths they choose are at least 4.6 miles minimum. i probably do it 4.25 or so. maybe a little under that

i finished off the whole first season of Dr. Who with Matt Smith and Amy and Rory. (i still like Rory the best) and although i now understand many a Dr. Who reference that i only understood as being from Dr. Who, since i wasn't too keen on many of the episodes in this season or series or whatever you'd prefer they call them, it's not much of a gain. i could have gone without the understanding where these references came from, specifically. Shawna hates Matt Smith. the more she watches of him the more doesn't want to see more of him, notable exception is the new stuff. she likes "Dalek Girl" as she calls her. but she's hoping this is the last season of Matt Smith. i don't care much either way. but i didn't like (is that season 5 i'm referring to?) the season as a whole that i just watched. i had seen some episodes from watching reruns at work but even those weren't Dr. Who high moments for me usually.

i found a new rap group i'm quite excited about. Mixed Blood Majority. it's got Crescent Moon and Lazerbeak and one other MC, a fellow named Joe Horton from some group on the same label as Kill the Vultures (whom i also enjoy). but the more i hear Lazerbeak beats the more i enjoy him, the sheer output he creates is astonishing. in the past couple years he did a whole album with Sims, Mitclan, and a bonus ep with Sims and then numerous other tracks for everyone else in Doomtree for various solo work or their No Kings collective record. all this in 3 maybe 4 years time. so many beats so little time. so the idea of Lazerbeak beats for these two MCs (one of which i enjoy throughly and the other i've heard good things about) makes this something i will get when it comes out. oh yeah, this shit ain't even out yet. not released until the 22nd this month.
sadly, since the computer here at work (the only place i use internet) has no speakers i can't even hear anything they've got online to preview. don't care getting it anyway.

also i watch 2 maybe 3 hours of Rugrats tonight at work. the early stuff, it said 92. that shit was great and the art and style in general was very surreal. loved every minute of it. and Tommy Pickles was the infant Indiana Jones of a certain generation. such an explorer and every problem could be solved by running away from something or to somewhere. brillant.

bonus thing i didn't do - my cleaning at work. ha. i'm lazy.
bonus thing i did do - listened to Ryan Adams song Chicago and thought of you.
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Date: 2012-12-19 06:32
Subject: ah....binge reading
Security: Public
Location:work/ the office
i'm going to start the Long Earth again soon. it's by Stephen Baxter and Terry Pratchett. so good, and a sci-fi story no less. i'm not usually too keen on sci-fi books, not since i was younger and my grandmother caught me watching Star Trek the Next Generation and would buy me the books thinking i was a bigger fan then i happened to be. not complaining though, at that age, where i lived, the amount of friends i didn't have...i'd have read most anything. (hell, i did read the bible the whole way through around that time in my life)
the notion to reread The Long Earth comes from a binge i've gone on of reading Discworld novels. some, of course i'm rereading but for the most part i've been grabbing one i never got to on my last big Discworld binge.
this all said, the point and only point of this little ramble to say I love Terry Pratchett's writing. fuckin brilliant. like Lord of the Rings meets Vonnegut.
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Date: 2012-12-07 02:40
Subject: it's always to watch someone and think "wow, that's motivating on a personal level"
Security: Public
Location:work. office or tv room
i've claimed many people to be my "personal hero" many times for many reasons that may or may not hold up over time. that said.....
Rasheed Wallace is a personal hero.
he is currently the 6th eldest NBA player still playing. this year in New York. he is also the all-time NBA record holder for technical fouls. and he's probably in the running for being ejected from the most games since after two technicals in a game you get booted. so it's safe to say the guy had a big mouth and some attitude problems in the past. always talented but somewhat unfocused or something. i also seem to remember an incident in Detroit (where he played most of his years and won a championship) that had something to do with a police and weed or a gun?? not sure if that's accurate.
but now is the part that makes him a hero to me.
he's learned from all this. he's a on a team that is doing well and he's not fucking it up, not acting foolish or putting his foot in his mouth. he does what is needed when it's needed. he's not trying to do too much either. as mentioned he's an older fellow for such a sport, so he is in danger of burning out (and i guess this is more about the team plan as opposed to him) but instead timing is worked out. no over-reaching. doing what one is capable of doing and helping others in the process. it's almost buddhist.
it's just great to see someone actually learn from mistakes they made in the past and being doing well helping friends and family (i assume cause he's still getting paid to play). this quite a shining example for all. i feel motivated
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Date: 2012-11-17 04:20
Subject: a little part of a long night
Security: Public
Mood:really really tired
Music:prolonging the magic
went to the Devil Makes Three concert last night. went home got in fight with the girl. the dog (being more child then canine) gets upset that we're arguing and leaves. he opened the gate and ran away. this has happened once before under almost identical conditions, pretty much. i stay up later (it's already late)looking for him. the last time he ran off we found him he next morning sitting on the sidewalk that runs between the bridge and our house. so i was hoping for a event like that in the morning when i finally passed out. in the morning the girl and i are still fighting so i leave to clear my head. i take a nice long, meandering walk. and i find Monster sitting on the sidewalk much further from home then i ever would have anticapated.
now i don't think he took the straight foward, this is the path you take driving ways. i sorta think he walked along the railroad tracks for awhile....but i'll never know. he was gone for 8 hours. god i'm just glad/lucky i found him.
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Date: 2012-11-04 00:45
Subject: most people would quit their job after three days like this.
Security: Public
Music:punch brothers was on ACL earlier
i only work 3 days a week. 12 hour shifts. it's a very nice schedule really, i seldom complain about it. the only problem that ever arises due to my short schedule is that if someone here is a bad mood, it could carry over through my whole work week. that's not exactly what happened this week but it's been super shitty.
thursday night it was the girl who's not nearly as disabled as anyone else. not even close but she causes more trouble then anyone else. it's just like an unruly teenager. she has the mental capacity of about a 12-14 year old. really annoying. it was just a basic she and i have a standoff. i refuse to help her with something that is not needed and she refuses to behave or clean up after her self. gave me a massive headache. the incident happened in the first hour i was at work.
friday night the little lady who hears voices and has multiple personalities stayed up all night yelling and screaming. sometimes random statements but other times just screams. she started this about two hours into my shift. gave me a headache.
saturday night the same gal who was up all night the night before and slept all day before i got was still asleep on a couch. then right about midnight she woke up suddenly by violently puking all over herself and the couch she was on. i quickly sit her up from the laying down position she was in and she pukes on the floor as i jump back away from her as to avoid it hitting me. i'm not sure but the only thing she ate might have been peach yogurt. it was the most foul smelling vomit i've ever encountered.
so tonight no headache yet but i did almost puke a couple of times from the terrible smell of the terrible mess i have to clean up.
so this work week, everyday within two hours of starting my shifts i've had to deal with headaches or nausea.
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Date: 2012-11-02 03:28
Subject: just a song that helps me feel better (or at least smile)
Security: Public
Music:From the Choir Girl Hotel
this is one of the best last song off any album....ever. also my favorite Morrisey song. i was listening to Tori Amos and for some reason this song got in my head. i youtubed it
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Date: 2012-11-01 23:12
Subject: the day that continued to suck
Security: Public
Location:hiding at work in someone's kitchen
Mood:so bummed, today sucked
Music:janelle monae
i spent the day wishing i was less broke. wishing i was hanging out with Shawna. (as she was sleeping today after working an overnight last night.) then it started raining. so i was sitting at home and for some reason i finally watched Ides of March. good film but wholly depressing. so i take a walk to the library listening to the new XX album, again good but not uplifting.

random hours in between

i go to work and the girl nobody likes gives me hell, ruining any calm aspect of my night.
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Date: 2012-10-28 01:31
Subject: the power of Dr. Who
Security: Public
Location:work, office
i saw the episode where Amy and Rory leave. it was awful sad.
it was strange girl who lives here, the one who hates me. (another staff just last night called her a bitch) this girl frustrates people so much that we all tend to overlook the fact that she's developmental disabled and just find ourselves disliking her. she's smarter and more capable then all most anyone else in the whole but she's doesn't do anything but take advantage of her situation. she's stolen from her roommate and she and i have personal butted heads more times then i could possibly count in the rest of my lifetime. it's annoying.
but tonight she watched in to the apartment i was in right as Dr. Who was starting and she got a bit sucked in and i (trying to be polite) offered her a seat in her neighbor's place to watch the show. we watched two episodes and she was more pleasant in those two hours then she'd been in the two weeks prior with me.
good times. ah, the glory of being able to watch Dr. Who at work.

did mention the letter i sent to Jared got returned. i think the address i had was an old one, well i know it's it's old in the sense that i got it from his dad a long while ago. not sure how to get the right address. or what to do instead. so i procrastinate
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Date: 2012-10-14 01:45
Subject: dinoasurs on a spaceship
Security: Public
Location:work, office
Music:those damn bastards
watching Dr. Who at work........best job ever.
"humans, you are so linear"

luckily that episode made up for the first hour of work sucking. and at 4am there is an hour of early Cowboy Bebop on tv. so all in all not bad for television tonight.

i'm rereading the book Christopher Moore wrote about Jesus and there is this great part about the lack of grace in children. and not grace as in the sense of agility or a basic physical form, but in a deeper implication. the quote is something about how much grace can a seven year old have? and this is so incredibly true and not just about children but everyone. since we all act like children sometimes, some more than others.
how graceful do you expect a human to appear if not actually just be if/when they act like a child?

i don't want to clean or do any other function of my job tonight, but since i didn't really do a good job last night either so maybe i should...... we'll see if get around to it.

the worst downside for tv right now has got to be political ads. what shames. half-truths and other garbage rhetoric. my favorite phrase in political ads is "empty promises" which i assume is what you call "campaign promises" of the opponent when you're trying to unseat them.
i still haven't read any Calvin and Hobbes. i really need to do that. 'cept i have none and i can only think of one friend who might have some.

and in conclusion......http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FY6VcJR2PE........super good
just great. in the simple way he means it and yet you can take it and apply it anything in your life so comfortably
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April 2015