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two weeks in June and the headaches leading up to - Don't tell anybody anything
If you do, you start to miss everybody

Date: 2013-04-06 01:33
Subject: two weeks in June and the headaches leading up to
Security: Public
Mood:tired as hell
Music:heard a new Yeah Yeah Yeahs song...it was aight and then some Cat Power for the evening
the money for two plane tickets to Wisconsin was sent to my house (in the form of a check). it arrived in the mail today around 12:30 this afternoon. i should have been sleeping but since i knew said check was in the mail and cheap plane tickets tend to increase in price almost daily i figured i should forgo a bit of my rest to get the money in my bank so it can be used the sooner the better.
as with most banks.....(long story short) the money is in my bank and literally of no use to me until tuesday. this (i remind you i hadn't slept yet for any and all conversations i had) prompts me to call and plead my case and probe for loopholes. it seems silly to me that a bank can't verify the amount of money in another bank account via phone with only the information on the check itself when any moron with a smart phone and only slightly more info could do it in a matter of minutes.
i ended up hanging up on two people, almost politely. considering what i was tempted to say next......hanging up was the polite thing to do.
so with (at most) five hours of sleep i am at work.
obviously i am not in the best of moods. it could be said that i don't even really want to go on this trip and now here i am dealing with crap before tickets are even bought. which speaking of which.......i hate planes. i am more then a little concerned about how i'll handle the flight. it's not that i'm prone nor immune to panic attacks, also i tend to handle things well enough in the moment. (if that moment is public and freaking out or breaking down would make things only more difficult) but all this said i do hate heights and have a distrust of concept of flying metal machines. being in the belly of what i consider to be a death trap, actually trapped is a better word then being. in a car i can always bail...get out anywhere if i feel the overwhelming urge. not an option on a plane. this frightens me.
after i wait for the banks policy to run it's course and deal with the issue of purchaseing a plane ticket i get to wait months before i actually have to go to the airport and then after all this stress and discomort where am i? back home with family in a town i despise. this is already shaping up to worst trip i've ever taken. and given some of my less pleasent hitch-hiking stories, that is saying something
if it was up to me...we all know a trip back home would not be high on my list of things likely to happen in the near future. this is why everyone conspired against me to make it happen. even if money weren't an issue (ha, if only) i still wouldn't be too keen about planning a trip home, it would still not even be on my radar. so those who feel i should make a trip home set this up, gave me a time frame and the money and now......i'm still not comfortable with things now not as a abstract idea but as the plan comes together i'm hating the individual pieces as well as the whole plan.
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April 2015